404: An emotional roller-coaster read by Gwyn Garfield-Bennett

Author:Gwyn Garfield-Bennett [Garfield-Bennett, Gwyn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Chalky Dog Publishing
Published: 2022-05-05T16:00:00+00:00

19

TUESDAY 18TH MARCH 2014

I’m reading the latest theory about what’s happened to MH370. It’s become my crutch. When I think I’m becoming overwhelmed by Mark’s disappearance, I turn to the greater mystery of the plane. It’s captured the world’s attention, but I’m a kindred spirit of the relatives. I’m feeling their pain, their fears, and their frustrations. Now an anti-terror expert is saying that the plane could have been hijacked remotely by using mobile phones, or a USB stick to take over the controls. Each new theory brings them no closer to finding it, just stirs up the anger and the hope, but at least a thin thread of hope remains.

My eyes are caught by the headlines and images of L’Wren Scott, the beautiful model and fashion designer who has just taken her own life. She seemed to have everything, a glittering career, famous boyfriend in Mick Jagger, and the glamorous life so many people aspire to, apart from massive debts. If someone like her can do this, could my ordinary husband have succumbed to depression? Was that person at the rugby club the only one who saw the danger signs in Mark?

I spiral into another pit full of questions with no answers, where the shadows of guilt nip at my ankles and whisper in my ear. I’m saved from falling further into its depths by the phone ringing. I recognise the number that comes up on my phone. It’s my boss. I prickle with new guilt. It has been over a week since they’d last heard from me. She’s left me to deal with this, not asked me to return to work, but I should have thought to call her.

‘I’m not pressurising you, Sarah. I can only imagine how awful this is for you and the kids. I just need an update so that I can make arrangements here. We’ve got a new client starting in two weeks and we’ve got to prep for that.’

‘I’m so sorry, Karen, I’ve just been all over the place. I didn’t expect this to still be going on.’

‘Honestly, it’s fine. You take longer if you need it. Have you heard anything at all?’

‘Nothing. It’s like he just vanished.’

‘You must be beside yourself. Look, let’s catch up again at the end of the week. I’ll deal with things this end. You focus on yourself and the kids.’

Karen has always been a good boss. It’s one of the main reasons I’ve stayed so long there, nine years now. She isn’t a pushover, she’s tough - especially when it comes to business - but she looks after her staff and knows that life outside of work matters too. I know I can’t take advantage of her good will forever. At some point, I’m going to have to pull myself together and go back to work. Hell, I’ve made the kids return to school. I just need to be sure we’ve done all we can to get Mark home first.

Yesterday’s revelation about the porn he’s been accessing, has been playing on my mind.

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